I figured it would make sense to start writing with this topic, as I have a few insights I want to share on this blog in the lineup. So, let’s go back to my first day in psychiatric – end of august.
I got there obviously coming from a very different place in life, where everything has been mostly hectic, stressful and timing wise very tight. But within myself I’ve been lost. From the very beginning the nurses, psychologist, doctors and ergotherapy therapists gave me a warm welcome. They asked why I’m here, long talks – and all of them giving me a rough overview what the concept will be for the upcoming weeks for myself. I want to empathize this: Depression I think is a very complicated disease as it’s different for everyone. Everyone has a different story. And that they manage to make it as individual as possible, so you get the most out of your time, is just incredible. So at this point, thanks to whoever is responsible for all that!
The first week I would say is pretty much normal investigations and getting to know everyone within your group. Due to Corona it’s not that many people anyway. But still, you get a timetable the first day (just like in school) – and then you got your lessons / etc.! What I realized quickly is, that within the ergotherapy I got into the group when they started with the topic spare time and hobbies. Essentially to make it clearer:
“What do you do, just for yourself? And not for anybody else?”
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It’s been an interesting conversation, as I thought that I managed it previously very well. I mean, I even had “OPEN SPACE” (my way of trying to find time for myself) in my calendar from 05-07.00am every morning. Now I can just laugh about this, haha. But hey, that’s a part of me. I completely underrated this topic for the first few minutes. Until we got six DIN A4 papers full of options, what you could do in your free time. All that attached to two checklists.
- Checklist 1: Used to do (if you kinda like did it when you were younger)
- Checklist 2: Want to do (if you think you want to implement that within your future life)
Turns out for me: I used to be interested and did a lot of things before I started out on this filmmaking journey. Activities like playing soccer, parlour games, biking, hiking, reading, making music, skiing, drawing, handicraft, etc.
How crazy is it, that in the beginning I couldn’t mention a single activity I would consider as hobby within my current life? So, as you can imagine, this class taught me a lot, and made me thinking. And I thought a lot. But couldn’t really get my ass up. Until a few days later we had to draft up a rough timeline, on how our weekend is gonna look like, and where exactly we ideally incorporate some old or new activities. I decided, that I want to go for a swim. Luckily, I managed to do so, and that was sort of the kickstart. That gave my body energy again. That made me feel alive.
Since then I picked up a shitload of activities again.I started drawing. A lot of handiwork with chestnuts, etc. I started skating again. Much more walks outside. Reading. I even played computer games every now and then (and I literally NEVER did that before).
I’m thankful for this lesson. And I’m gonna continue working on myself to really take time for what I want to do every now and then aswell.
I’m purely the happiest lately when I’m on my own. I don’t need anybody. Just me and whatever I’m doing. And then I also enjoy being surrounded by my closest people every now and then. But also there: slow progress. I’m sure all this will change again aswell, which is good – thats life. And thats what I’m learning, getting used to – and trying to appreciate.
Much love and take care everyone.