Forced activity

Lately a lot of stuff is going on in my mind as I get more energy again. and it really seems like that sometimes I’m forcing myself too much to “do things”. Instead of giving my brain and myself time to find inspiration, I always feel pressured that I have to “deliver / be active”. For example with painting I always think I have to paint “every day”, otherwise I’m gonna suck at what I do and won’t get better (my brain is telling me stuff like “sooner or later they’ll find out anyway, that you suck”).

That’s probably one of the main things that I learned recently: I am trying to deliver creatively on a daily basis. And instead of giving myself time to get creative I set myself under a lot of pressure. And all that, to end up frustrated and depressed.

It’s so weird. Why is that? Anyone else with similar experiences?

For me I’m sure I’m too focused on the end goal. I’m learning to enjoy the process instead of just dumb working towards the final goal.

And yes I gave it already a try. And let creativity flow. It’s incredible. Amazing. And makes me sad that I can’t do this more often with everything I do. Or can I? Well, with that honestly – I don’t know. But I need to learn to let life and my creativity happen when it really feels right.